I have been told....

That everyone is sick of hearing about my running (or my hate for running), but oh well.

My first ever race is on the day after tomorrow! I feel like throwing up every time I think about it. I am probably the most nervous I've been for anything. Marriage, nah. Raising kids, meh. Running a race, terrifying!

I went and walked the course on Tuesday. It wasn't bad, but I walked it. Pushing a stroller. I have thought about pushing the stroller with the kids on Saturday. They could be my excuse for being so slow. Why not? They are my excuse for everything else.

I have also thought of just not showing up, who would notice?

I have thought about making my amazing sister-in-law run it for me. 3 miles is a warm up for her!

My 6 year old nephew keeps saying that he wants to run it and that he doesn't think I will. I might not.

I will probably sign up for another 5k in a month or two. Why would I do that? Because I love running so much. Ha. Because it is motivation. I lack motivation. Hopefully I will actually train for the next one. Motivation.

I have had a bit of a cough. I secretly keep hoping that I get super sick and then don't have to run. Oh, too bad. If I was feeling well, I could have ran 3 miles in 20 minutes, no problem! Ha again.

My ankles and my knees hurt a bit. I am thinking about making a bigger deal of it than it is. Maybe I wouldn't have to run if I was INJURED.

I know what you are thinking. 3 miles. Big deal. Just do it. Stop complaining.

This is what I'm thinking...

I realize people run a lot more than this all the time. But I don't. Never have. I cannot remember a time in my life when I have ever been very physically fit. Shocker, I know. In junior high, they made us run around the football field. I never ran. A few of us girls would just walk until gym class was over. Same thing in high school. Usually people can look back at a time in their lives and think that they want to feel that way again. Not me. Sure, I would love to be as skinny as I was before I got married. But I have NEVER been in great shape or even close. I wish I could be cute and athletic and super skinny and healthy. But I'm not. Never have been. Never will be??? This is the beginning of changing for me. I will NOT run the 5k in 20 minutes. Maybe not even in 60 minutes. Who knows, I might not run very much at all. Maybe I will jog or walk it. But I will finish. I won't make any excuses and I won't give up. So what if I'm not fast. I won't be fast. But I will do it. And not for anyone else. Who cares about everyone else? It's not for you. It's not for them. It's not for you know who. It's for me. It's for changing. So there.