Monday, June 11, 2012

About being the mom...

I've told this story before, so please excuse me if you've heard it.

Being a mom of 3 is a little different. Everyone asks if it's harder, and yeah, it is more work for sure... but mostly, it's just different. There is another mouth to feed and another bottom to wipe, more laundry, more dishes, and somehow less time.

I like to think of myself as a pretty good mom. My kids have pretty much everything they could want. They don't go hungry. They have almost every toy they could want. They get baths sometimes and usually, I fix them something they like for dinner. I know all the tricks to make them happy. I know how to distract Benson, how to comfort Molly, and how to get Jack to take a binkie. I will be the first to tell you that I am not perfect. Trust me. But I am trying. Boy howdy, am I trying.

And sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I could clean all day, and there would still be more to clean tomorrow. I could cook a gourmet meal, and the kids would still eat it like dogs, without using a fork. But the thing that overwhelms me is that it doesn't matter how much attention I give, someone isn't getting enough of MOM. Or, somehow, after I've tried and tried and tried, I didn't do a good enough job.

When Jack was just a few weeks old, I lost it one night. I felt defeated. So I left the older kids with Casey and took Jack shopping. Really, I just needed to go for a drive and get away from being pulled in 10 different directions. 

As I was driving, I could not help but feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I prayed out loud for some sort of comfort or relief from this overwhelming feeling of disappointment I was feeling. And the peace came almost immediately. My father in heaven heard my cries of despair, though they are small compared to some. He comforted me. I felt the love of my savior envelope me. And then I received a little bit of personal revelation that I feel like I want to share.

After all I do, or try to do... why do I feel so overwhelmed and inadequate?

I believe that I'm doing an important work. Being a mom might just be one of the most important roles anyone can play in this life, and guess who wants me to fail? Satan. I know, beyond a doubt, that Heavenly Father loves me and that if I am doing my best, that is enough. But there are real forces of evil working against my efforts everyday. I believe that Heavenly Father wants me to succeed. He is cheering for me. There are angels in Heaven who are helping me. But there is an adversary who wants me to feel like my best isn't good enough. I must be doing alright, or else he wouldn't be working on me so hard. It might seem a little cheesy, but all I can do is my best. All anyone can do is their best, try their hardest, and it will be enough. 

Being a mom is tricky. It isn't always rainbows and butterflies. But it's an important job. I'm so glad that I have been SO blessed to have these 3 little angels who rely on me to teach them. It is overwhelming and I don't see it getting any easier, but I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to give me a little bit of peace and comfort once in a while. I think I'm doing alright. And guess what? So are you.

And now, because blogs are no fun without pictures, here are my Neapolitan children. One of each flavor: 


Krystal said...

First of all, I love your "neapolitan children" they are adorable! And second of all, thanks for a great post. I forget, lots of the time, that it's Satan who wants to convince me that I suck at being a mom. But if I remember it's Satan, then I also remember that I don't have to listen to what he says. So thank you for that much needed reminder. You're so cute Nat, I wish we lived closer and could hang out.

Tami said...

Wow, perfect post. I mean that. It is so hard to explain what being a mom is like but you hit it right on the nail. It's nice to hear that you get overwhelmed with being a mom too. Even though I'm your sister and I know you aren't perfect at everything you do, you're one of the best moms I know. (In fact, aside from our own mom, I think you might be the best mom I know.) And somehow it seems like you always have it together. It's fun to look UP to you as my "little" sister. You're an awesome example for me. And, I too love your neapolitan children. Not only do I love that little nickname but I love them dearly. (Sorry about the binky incident this weekend with Jack.) Keep on keepin' on.

Em Russ said...

amen!! Totally true. I was thinking up a similar post in my head but (as always) you said it better than I would have! And you're right... you are doing an awesome job!

Chandler Family said...

I needed that. I have been feeling about the same way lately, only I have 2 kids not 3. Go you! You said it perfectly and I love you for sharing your testimony and being a strong example. It is nice to know that I am not the only one feeling like I am not doing it quiet good enough. Written beautifully! Love you cous!

Shalise said...

That gave me the chills :) What a profound testimony of motherhood. We just have the one at the moment, so we're not too overwhelmed but I know there will be a day that I am at my wits end and the memory of this post will hep me through, so thank you. We need to get together some time soon! Have your husband call mine ;)

Holly said...

I agree with Tami. Such a great post, and you are such a wonderful example of what a mother is and should be. I am so grateful we could be neighbors, even if it was only for a year. I loved your friendship and example as a mother. I hope you are all enjoying your summer. So sad we don't see you often, but know that we miss you guys!